What I Done

While you go to work and fumble around in that greasy till to scratch out a modest living for yourself, I am off doing things. Important things! Scary things! All kinds of . . . of things, man. All sorts of, y'know, stuff. Ferocious stuff.

(Found yourself misrepresented and want to letterhate me? Feel free. Know that I reserve the right to respond in kind though, so make sure you're prepped for retaliation before you commit. benny_barnett@yahoo.com.au)
BOLDLY PREDICTED
Grumpy Cat is so two thousand and late. Trust me, after Bitch Where My Tuna At Cat drops at SXSW ‘15 shit is gonna get real.

BOLDLY PREDICTED

Grumpy Cat is so two thousand and late. Trust me, after Bitch Where My Tuna At Cat drops at SXSW ‘15 shit is gonna get real.

Tweet
PEACED OUT
Yeah man, fuck hate! Hate can eat a dick. I would kick the hell out of hate if it were here right now. Kick its face in, yo.

PEACED OUT

Yeah man, fuck hate! Hate can eat a dick. I would kick the hell out of hate if it were here right now. Kick its face in, yo.

Tweet
COOKED CHILLI
Sure you jack it up with a ton of spice, but the really key ingredient is love. And spit. Lots of spit.

COOKED CHILLI

Sure you jack it up with a ton of spice, but the really key ingredient is love. And spit. Lots of spit.

Tweet
SPONGEBOB BLACKPANTS
Ugh/yay, this makes me so mad/happy. I’m either so pleased that cartoons are becoming more racially diverse or so upset because this is just so damned racist you guys.

SPONGEBOB BLACKPANTS

Ugh/yay, this makes me so mad/happy. I’m either so pleased that cartoons are becoming more racially diverse or so upset because this is just so damned racist you guys.

Tweet
LOOKED IN THE SUITCASE
Marcellus’ Law states that anything someone really doesn’t want you to see will be kept in a suitcase on the top shelf of their closet, instead of in a locked drawer or a safe or, hey, at a bank.

LOOKED IN THE SUITCASE

Marcellus’ Law states that anything someone really doesn’t want you to see will be kept in a suitcase on the top shelf of their closet, instead of in a locked drawer or a safe or, hey, at a bank.

Tweet
USED ONE OF THOSE NEW HOLOGRAM TOILETS
Apparently they’re not a real thing though. Also I’m gonna need to borrow your spatula and a set of dishwashing gloves.

USED ONE OF THOSE NEW HOLOGRAM TOILETS

Apparently they’re not a real thing though. Also I’m gonna need to borrow your spatula and a set of dishwashing gloves.

Tweet
SHARED THE LOVE
Scientists recommend we need 12 hugs per day. That’s one for each of the homeless guys I make out with every morning after finishing my shift at the titty bar.

SHARED THE LOVE

Scientists recommend we need 12 hugs per day. That’s one for each of the homeless guys I make out with every morning after finishing my shift at the titty bar.

Tweet
GOT TAILED
I know they don’t have any evidence, which means I got away with it. But if I got away with it, why is Detective Dog still sniffing around? And what the hell kind of dog wears a monocle anyway? He’s not even British.

GOT TAILED

I know they don’t have any evidence, which means I got away with it. But if I got away with it, why is Detective Dog still sniffing around? And what the hell kind of dog wears a monocle anyway? He’s not even British.

Tweet
SAILED TO PANAMA
With ten duffle bags of sedated King Charles Cavaliers hidden in the front hold. I don’t know what they do with them over there but they’re going through three thousand a month.

SAILED TO PANAMA

With ten duffle bags of sedated King Charles Cavaliers hidden in the front hold. I don’t know what they do with them over there but they’re going through three thousand a month.

Tweet
STAYED WITH MY LESBIAN COUSINS
They’re Jillaroos on a farm on down south somewhere. They can shear a sheep in under 12 seconds, beat me in an arm wrestle 9 times outta 10, and bunt like wild broncos when the storms come in and their blood gets up.

STAYED WITH MY LESBIAN COUSINS

They’re Jillaroos on a farm on down south somewhere. They can shear a sheep in under 12 seconds, beat me in an arm wrestle 9 times outta 10, and bunt like wild broncos when the storms come in and their blood gets up.

Tweet
PREPARED FOR MARDI GRAS
Well, my lawn party is ready to rock. If this thing isn’t full of glitter and semen by this time tomorrow I’m probably dead on some power lines somewhere.

PREPARED FOR MARDI GRAS

Well, my lawn party is ready to rock. If this thing isn’t full of glitter and semen by this time tomorrow I’m probably dead on some power lines somewhere.

Tweet
WATCHED A FAREWELL
Saying goodbye to your best friend is tough, but that’s what Gabrielle endured when offer of a full scholarship to Columbia University’s Engineering & Applied Science program arrived in the mail. She didn’t even know Mr Patches could read, let alone pass an entrance exam.

WATCHED A FAREWELL

Saying goodbye to your best friend is tough, but that’s what Gabrielle endured when offer of a full scholarship to Columbia University’s Engineering & Applied Science program arrived in the mail. She didn’t even know Mr Patches could read, let alone pass an entrance exam.

Tweet
SET SAIL
When selecting a captain for your ship, it’s important to choose the drunkest because that way he’s already got his sea legs and you won’t waste time dicking around in port.

SET SAIL

When selecting a captain for your ship, it’s important to choose the drunkest because that way he’s already got his sea legs and you won’t waste time dicking around in port.

Tweet
APPROACHED SLOWLY
Hey there big guy, why so glum? Oh. You’ve got dingleberries the size of cricket balls. Yeah. Nah. See ya.

APPROACHED SLOWLY

Hey there big guy, why so glum? Oh. You’ve got dingleberries the size of cricket balls. Yeah. Nah. See ya.

Tweet
'GOT' FASHION
I am quite partial to the swollen legs and horribly disfigured torso, but my favourite part of this outfit is definitely the rape whistle.

'GOT' FASHION

I am quite partial to the swollen legs and horribly disfigured torso, but my favourite part of this outfit is definitely the rape whistle.

Tweet