What I Done

While you go to work and fumble around in that greasy till to scratch out a modest living for yourself, I am off doing things. Important things! Scary things! All kinds of . . . of things, man. All sorts of, y'know, stuff. Ferocious stuff.

(Found yourself misrepresented and want to letterhate me? Feel free. Know that I reserve the right to respond in kind though, so make sure you're prepped for retaliation before you commit. benny_barnett@yahoo.com.au)
WENT WITH BBQ SAUCE
Yeah…. nah.

WENT WITH BBQ SAUCE

Yeah…. nah.

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WAITED FOR THE GODFATHER
Sandra has all the big security firms in her back pocket, controls the Temazepam trade from Bankstown to Hurstville, and has trained her guard dog not to blink. I hope she likes these cupcakes I brought her.

WAITED FOR THE GODFATHER

Sandra has all the big security firms in her back pocket, controls the Temazepam trade from Bankstown to Hurstville, and has trained her guard dog not to blink. I hope she likes these cupcakes I brought her.

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BECAME PRO-CHOICE
Look at this cat being sucked dry by a bunch of kittens covered in their own excrement while her jerk husband is off banging a ginger Maine Coone behind the dumpster in an Arby’s parking lot and tell me again how Pro-Life is the only way.

BECAME PRO-CHOICE

Look at this cat being sucked dry by a bunch of kittens covered in their own excrement while her jerk husband is off banging a ginger Maine Coone behind the dumpster in an Arby’s parking lot and tell me again how Pro-Life is the only way.

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BOUGHT CROCS
Have you got the beige ones with the Ugg lining in a 7? And do they come with a small handgun to shoot myself right here in your store with? No? In green, maybe? No, yeah, I still want the gun.

BOUGHT CROCS

Have you got the beige ones with the Ugg lining in a 7? And do they come with a small handgun to shoot myself right here in your store with? No? In green, maybe? No, yeah, I still want the gun.

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GHETTO ATE
Yeah hi, ahh, gimme a pain au chocolat, a couple beignets, and a half dozen I don’t want to be sexually assaulted on your porches. Yep, to go.

GHETTO ATE

Yeah hi, ahh, gimme a pain au chocolat, a couple beignets, and a half dozen I don’t want to be sexually assaulted on your porches. Yep, to go.

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BOLDLY PREDICTED
Grumpy Cat is so two thousand and late. Trust me, after Bitch Where My Tuna At Cat drops at SXSW ‘15 shit is gonna get real.

BOLDLY PREDICTED

Grumpy Cat is so two thousand and late. Trust me, after Bitch Where My Tuna At Cat drops at SXSW ‘15 shit is gonna get real.

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PEACED OUT
Yeah man, fuck hate! Hate can eat a dick. I would kick the hell out of hate if it were here right now. Kick its face in, yo.

PEACED OUT

Yeah man, fuck hate! Hate can eat a dick. I would kick the hell out of hate if it were here right now. Kick its face in, yo.

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COOKED CHILLI
Sure you jack it up with a ton of spice, but the really key ingredient is love. And spit. Lots of spit.

COOKED CHILLI

Sure you jack it up with a ton of spice, but the really key ingredient is love. And spit. Lots of spit.

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SPONGEBOB BLACKPANTS
Ugh/yay, this makes me so mad/happy. I’m either so pleased that cartoons are becoming more racially diverse or so upset because this is just so damned racist you guys.

SPONGEBOB BLACKPANTS

Ugh/yay, this makes me so mad/happy. I’m either so pleased that cartoons are becoming more racially diverse or so upset because this is just so damned racist you guys.

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LOOKED IN THE SUITCASE
Marcellus’ Law states that anything someone really doesn’t want you to see will be kept in a suitcase on the top shelf of their closet, instead of in a locked drawer or a safe or, hey, at a bank.

LOOKED IN THE SUITCASE

Marcellus’ Law states that anything someone really doesn’t want you to see will be kept in a suitcase on the top shelf of their closet, instead of in a locked drawer or a safe or, hey, at a bank.

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USED ONE OF THOSE NEW HOLOGRAM TOILETS
Apparently they’re not a real thing though. Also I’m gonna need to borrow your spatula and a set of dishwashing gloves.

USED ONE OF THOSE NEW HOLOGRAM TOILETS

Apparently they’re not a real thing though. Also I’m gonna need to borrow your spatula and a set of dishwashing gloves.

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SHARED THE LOVE
Scientists recommend we need 12 hugs per day. That’s one for each of the homeless guys I make out with every morning after finishing my shift at the titty bar.

SHARED THE LOVE

Scientists recommend we need 12 hugs per day. That’s one for each of the homeless guys I make out with every morning after finishing my shift at the titty bar.

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GOT TAILED
I know they don’t have any evidence, which means I got away with it. But if I got away with it, why is Detective Dog still sniffing around? And what the hell kind of dog wears a monocle anyway? He’s not even British.

GOT TAILED

I know they don’t have any evidence, which means I got away with it. But if I got away with it, why is Detective Dog still sniffing around? And what the hell kind of dog wears a monocle anyway? He’s not even British.

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SAILED TO PANAMA
With ten duffle bags of sedated King Charles Cavaliers hidden in the front hold. I don’t know what they do with them over there but they’re going through three thousand a month.

SAILED TO PANAMA

With ten duffle bags of sedated King Charles Cavaliers hidden in the front hold. I don’t know what they do with them over there but they’re going through three thousand a month.

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STAYED WITH MY LESBIAN COUSINS
They’re Jillaroos on a farm on down south somewhere. They can shear a sheep in under 12 seconds, beat me in an arm wrestle 9 times outta 10, and bunt like wild broncos when the storms come in and their blood gets up.

STAYED WITH MY LESBIAN COUSINS

They’re Jillaroos on a farm on down south somewhere. They can shear a sheep in under 12 seconds, beat me in an arm wrestle 9 times outta 10, and bunt like wild broncos when the storms come in and their blood gets up.

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